how do you deal with problems? even if you've dealt with it, will it be gone forever? or will it be there, wedged into somewhat washer machine syndrome that goes round and round and in the end you'd eventually still be stuck with it, again (?) hmm. thinking about thinking.

ever wondered why things happened to you in a time phase where you are most probably ought to say this; "why now? why is this happening to me now?" when the thing that you never want it to happen to you but happened anyway? hmm, well, i myself am currently battling some things. a lot has been happening right now and i am not gonna back down, i'm gonna fight it cos you know why? cos i always have a thing for this saying; everything happens for a reason. and as a Muslim, i believe that Allah has already set some plans for me. :)

and for that, i am content.

these silent thoughts,

that i try to keep deep inside of me,

these silent emotions,

that i wish not to show,

these silent words,

that i wish to say to you,

but i can't.

these eyes,

these hands,

this heart,

they're mourning,

and they will always be,

until they see the light of thee.

greetings from the underworld

greetings from the underworld

i've been gone for a while, i know.

seriously, i've been going through a lot of things, too many things on my mind, too much things to take into mind. i'm stressed, but now, not anymore, i think. i'm so packed with stacks of works and life hasn't been exactly been the best of a friend that i really need right now. i have to make a lot of decisions. sacrifices, for me, for my life.

i can't make your heart beat fast every single day,

i can't make you proud like every hour of the day,

i can't make you smile every millisecond of every hour,

i can't always tell jokes that'll make you laugh constantly,

i can't always be there when you need a shoulder to lean on,

i can't be a girly girl cos this is how i really am,

i can't always be 'that' person,

i'm only human,

i don't have any special powers of any kind,

all i can do is love you,

every single day.

"if you wade around forever, you will surely drown."

annoyed

i keep losing sleep every now and then. idk why. maybe my body's trying to tell me something. sometimes i shiver easily, my body somewhat aches whenever i get like too cold or whatever, and it really hurts like shit, and i don't mean it in a metaphorical way. it gets really annoying cos it's giving me like a really hard time to like travel. idk what's going on inside my body, idk whether is it still functioning well or not. haha. i'm a robot.

To some people, actually being nice to someone whose done you wrong is insanely hard, but it sure says a lot about you if you are.

We're speaking, but nothing is being said.

I hate that feeling when you're alone, and you just feel empty. You don't know what mood you're in really, you're just entirely numb.

Just so you know, I'm a thinker. Not a talker.

: )

Well, actually I'm kinda miss my "three years" ago as I love to go library, reading wisdom books and listening to my missing mp3

Xx

That mood where you just feel upset for no reason, and feel so fucking ugly and worthless and stupid and just feel like shit.

love ~

my bf !

my hero !

my heart !

my everything !

in the company of wolves,

for today .

he never fails

love since 16y !

: )

this one is for the boys with the boomin' system, top down, AC with the coolin' system,

i HATE you !! ♥

i'm not gonna lie, i miss them, all of them. but i don't get it, i mean why can't we be... hmm. never mind. always be content with what you have right now  AQEELLA. i just can't stop thinking about the good old times. i know that i usually talk in riddles, rhymes, whatever, but now, i don't feel like it. i don't feel like doing or stopping anything right now. i just... idk. i feel a bit shitty right now. bye.

If you spend too long holding on to the one who treats you like an option, 

you will miss finding someone who treats you 

like a priority

donow

I don't care if you wear crazy makeup, 

dress up in fucking drag, or anything else. 

If you have good music, I'll listen.

=0o=

MISSYOUOLD

i'm trying

to hate. but it hurts so much. hmph.

everything that's going on around me is seriously going at it's highest speed and it's fucking annoying. i need it all to stop. all stopping at once, except one. please. i'm not that much of a Hulk as i claim to be. so please. stop keying the same key into my fucking door knob.

penat

semua perasaan,

semua kemarahan,

semua tangisan,

semua perasaan,

di tolak ketepi,

maaf lah jika terlalu menjengkelkan.

biar apa orang mahu caci,

biar semua lontaran,

biar apa saja,

biar.

aku tetap orang yang sama,

aku tetap berdiri,

aku tetap menulis,

aku tetap melihat,

aku tetap bernafas,

aku tetap berfikir,

walau ada yang remuk, pecah, retak, segala.

aku tetap akan terus,

aku tak akan toleh,

tidak sekali pun.

.SURVEYSSS.

Who are you?
I am Aqeella Jaafar . I’m just a simple ordinary girl. I am not arrogant as you think. I can be a good friend to you unless you pissed me off. I am happy with my life right now because all the negative things, I’ve been thrown it away into the dustbin. I am not a perfect person as nobody’s perfect. I love to do stupid things in my own stupidity and do not judge me by its cover. I’m just being my self. I’m not the other person and I’m not a copycat to you. It is hard for me to get angry on you, but if the builder of my patience is over the limit, I will not hesitate to give you a piece of shit. Remind that.


What do you think about the people around you?
Some are good and some are bad. I hate the bad one. They are the backstabber. They are giving a fake smile to someone. They are thinking that they are a good enough. They are thinking that they are a hotstuff when wearing expensive garments. But, they are not. The truth is they are the loser.

List three items that you want to own.
1- Polaroid camera.
2- A new wallet. *I need a new one because the old wallet that I used until now is really making me sick.
3- wokswagen golf .. HAHAHAHA : D errrr ~

What is your nickname?
Qyla, Qiqi, Lala, gila, Qiee, princess (itu saja mnambah ) . But, I prefer them to call me Qyla ..

Describe the meaning of love.
Love is like a rainbow. It was full with different kinds of color that brighten your day.

What is your favorite color?
For sure, YELLOW !!

Leave your message.
Hi hellar, I hate you. Could you please stop disturbing my life? Thank you.

.EMOTIONAL .

EMO or being emotional always happened to someone. Doesn't matter you are a good or bad person. Everyone is right and at the same time wrong on being emo. Everyone has their own opinions and no one should shut them up no matter what others think, or if they don't agree. To never hold anything back and always look for a you that you feel comfortable in, and all the people who call the others posers, who are you to judge that? 

Hello, everyone is still human, still people trying to find themselves in this image crazed world. There's no right or wring thing to think or say. For instance, when your mother tells you to appreciate your specials, it's not just to get you to shut up. They know that when you're old, you will feel the same like they did. So, listen. Everyone is different. You may talk or judge the other people. But, before you judge them you should judge about yourself first. Simple.

equality

Aku tertarik dengan presentation dari kawan aku. Dia punya tajuk presentation "equality". First, I was wondering, apa sebenarnya dia nak cuba ajar. Last, baru aku faham. Simple dan menarik cara dia. Aku suka. Serius, aku ingatkan dia nak buat sambil lewa je apa dia nak ajar, but cara dia okay jugak. Okay, actually entry aku bukan sebab dia but apa yang aku faham tentang equality.

Okay, equality is the belief that all or some people ought to be treated equally. Get it? It is about fair. Same quantity. Not less or not more. Equal. What I can see, most people around me, didn't treat their people or community equally. They love to focus more on the highest one rather than helping the lowest. Come on, open your eyes! Some people tend to help the moderate people. Give them the money, education or yet, built a new house for them. But, what about the lowest income of person? Where are the helper? Where are the money? Education?

" Equality is not in regarding different things similarly, equality is in regarding different things differently."

You will wake up and open your eyes brightly when there is an advertisement at the tv's about there is certain people need your help. They need to survive. They need your money. They want everything. They have to educate their child to continue their study. At that time, you tend to help them. Your face are shown on the newspaper. Come on, you are a fake! You are not honest. You just want others to know you. You want to be famous. Am I right? Hello, open your eyes. We are just the same. We breathe the same air. We stand on the same earth. We hold the same wind. We are not different from each other. Only specialty makes us difference. Hey beautiful people, you have not to be arrogant to the person from lower class. One day, you will become like that. Trust me.

Do you still remember, our old generation of 20century, they are not easy to survive. They hardly work out to find money. Money to support their life. To support us, their child. Their power. For them, 20cent is quite much. They can use the 20cent to buy nasi lemak. Not for us now, we just ignoring the 20cent. We only focus to rm10 or more. Come on, if you keep the 20cent and save, it will become rm200 per month.

Ladies, gents.

Open your eyes! Treat people equally. Please.

"You can see she smile, but she's hurt inside.

You can see she listens to all your stories, but she kinda jealous inside.

You can hear she said she miss you and she really mean it."

i am .

In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know.

As long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me.

If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me and I am okay.

just smiling : )

‘I’m fine’ is the biggest lie I’ve ever told.

Because personally.. No I am not fine. Everything in my mind is fucked up. Everything is fucked up. I just don’t want anyone to know or get involved in my personal problems because I know for a fact that they won’t even care. It’s hard to find a true friend who is willing to listen to you and wont judge you for what situation your going through.

Sometimes.. Hiding the truth is better than telling the truth. Keeping every problem to your self is difficult enough, but try solving your own problems by yourself.

My own thoughts.

My own opinions.

My own feelings.

QiqiLala

past

Mulai saat ini…
Aku kan ubah pendirian
Walau ramai akhir sendirian

Jangan difikir fasal aku…
Teruskan saja dengan hidupmu
Hadirmu mungkin tidak membantu

Lepaskan aku                            
Lupakan aku
Aku hanya ingin sendirian
Tak pernah ku rasakan
Atas nama tekanan…

TQ

??

i like being in silent. it makes me think more. like now, i'm thinking about a lot of things. like why can't we speak another language that no one can ever understand? we should, so that only ourselves will understand what the hell we're saying. why bother and whine when no one understands you? why care? it's good to have someone that at least gets it, and that person it you.

i'm good and i'm gone.

disaat ..aku lmah ~

pastii pelbagai unsur yg tiada pengertian ..

 bermain di onak pmikiran ku .

tonite . enough . nite .

..

plees take me .

Previously … my abah owes take me too da zoo ..

Previously … my abah olwess take me to accompany him go to mamak … nyummmmy ~ roti naan !
previously .. my abah always brought me to da playground ..

Previously .. my abah never hit or scolded me ..

Previously .. my abah too pemper me ..give everytin dat I wan …. So dat my brother really jelous on me ..!! I don care .. I love my abah ..

Previously ..my abh never complained … I knoe . he really love me !!

Previously ..my abah olwess kejotkan sahur …. Siapkan breakfrst .. siapkan pakaian before ke sekolah .. n he also send me to school ~ abah …..  u r really AMAZING !! I knoe …. Have no good father other than you ABAH …………. Im too proud . to be ur daughter !! abah ……. I wan to kiss you . iwan to hug you abah ….. Plessssss ~ come back .. pless bahhhh .. plessss ….

" SeLamat BErsaHur "

august buletin :)

sorry ~ i'm very interested with looking at home decoration ~ building design ~ colour's home .. erm .... what else interior designer.. architectural ..hum .. everytin dats make me look like ( oooohhhmyy ) then i will stop thinking . then i back to normal . aHA .. enough here ! aaaoochh ~looks like all diss was out of my courses dat I take .. right ?! “=.+ …… 

uUUURggHHHH !!

pLess !! I wan watched dis mUVV right now !

  . erH .

I am gone

The person you see isn't the real me

The real me gave up a long time ago

She couldn't take the constant pain anymore

desperate act .

Make tings out of mine … do not want to talk too much here because I am in speechless .. for viewing only. I am not qualified to give any comments. They are very talented. Im just involve for helping them . dats all . =B

. june .

Mencari sisipan suara .

Aku dengar .. kau pun dengar … aku fham .. kau pun fham … tp . kau ta mndalami . kau bole berkata . lancarkan suara . aku b0le berdiam . terus memendam dan berfikir ke hadapan . bila smua akan terhenti … mnunjuk laluan yang lurus . kenapa tam cm yg laen . hdup yg lancar tnpa tsekat sperti kreta satria hitam yg kehabisan mnyak lalu tersadai ddpan shahab . suara . suara . suara … bnyak suara yg aku dgaaa …  mnyuruh aku terbang … seolah ada yg mnunggu di atas .. imaginasi mulaaaa merasuki mindaa separa normal . mntupi mata lansung mencorak dengan warna kehidupan seperti pelangi .. HAHA ! sedar lah . sedar lah . yg masih wujudnya dinasour di zaman ini …. Yaaa ~ banggunannn berbentuk seni bina futustik ! sgt gaaaahhhh jikalaU negara tumpahhnya darahku seperti itu segalanya .seperti sikap presiden Kazakhstan iaitu, NURSULTAN  NAZARBAYEY ! yg amt menitikberatkan senibina d Bandar nya ..  sifat mahmudah mulaiii resap dlam dri aku . kagum !  antaranya banggunan titanic bagi rangkaian kediaman di tebing sungai ishim dan The Dollar bagi banggunan kementerian ekonomi . heh ! mulaii mengarut …  bukannkah aku sedang mncari sisipan suara ?! yang sedang memanggil ….. pejam mata sekali laginya ….

Akan bersambung .. 

. juLy .

TEngs for ur pretending in front of me 

Ampunkan aku sahabat ..  kau dtg mmbawa kpentingan . kau kena fham apakah kpentingan itu . kau dtg mmbawa kpelbagaian . kau kena fham aku bukan mudah mngikut . kau dtg mmbawa kerumitan . mngharap aku mnyelesaikan nya . kau dtg dgan seribu persoalan yg aku gagal merungkai … maafkan aku . kau tdak dterima dlam dunia aku .. wlupun kau tampak perfek dmata kwn2 yg laen .. biar org mnilai aku .. aku ta pernah kisah . kerana aku . ttap aku .. jujur mngawal hidup . tidak perlu tampak kau sempurna .. penyayang . sedangkan kau sendiri tidak fham erti tu suma dan dalam hati kau .. tiada erti jujur … loyal . mengapa perlu malukan aku ? mengapa perlu kau tampak gaah ? mengapa perlu kau tampakk femes ? mengapa kau perlu lari dari msalah kau ? mminta simpati org skeliling .. dan maaf ! sekali lg kau tdak dtrima dlam ruang dunia aku .. walupun .. aku masih melayani krenah kau sperti biasa .. ketawa bersama .. dan mmberikan masa aku mndengar cerita2 kau . kerana .. aku pun bukan sesiapa saja yg mahu mnilai dri kau .. tetapi .. ckuplah . kau masok ke ruangan hidup aku . dan cubaaa berada lbh tinggi . jujur aku kata kan . aku ta pernahh kisaah tahap kau bagaimana . kerana aku ttap aku !.. dan  kau tampak sempurna dsamping itu . kau sgt hebat ! tp .. sdikit pun aku ta ksah . krn kau bkan sape2 .. kau yg skarang sgt glabah dgan hdup sndri .. dan mngejarr hdup yg kau sndri ta mmpu mrubah … berfikiran matang lah .. ap tujuan kau mncari sahabat ? sekadar mnampak kan siapa kau pabila bersama mereka ? heh . jujur aku sudahh faham diri kau . aku hanya tersyum dan mlihat cara kau mngatasi . heh . wlaupun .. sesiapa pun tdak sedar perangai kau . hnya teman rapat shaja .. tp kau ttap digelarkan kawan aku ! kerana dlu aku trima kau sbg kawan aku . tp bukan sahabat …  MAAF ..jika kau perasan aku cuba berjauhan dari kau … 

sela.selam .

PABILA QYla jFar mula mnyelam sperrti ikan lelumba !

Selam . selam . hah ! pnaaah rsa nikmat mnyelam . trik nafas sedalam nyaa . dan truss mlompat mencecahh air ddlam kolam . herm . sambil tu .. na buannnk angin pun bole .tp plahan2 lahh ! ! jgnnn derass sgt … nnty kantoii lahh ! tp jgnn g kencinng plakk !  aku na sharing something . yg swimming bole hlangkan stress . itulah ap yg aku akan lakukan bila perasaan or stuasi tu blaku lam dri aku . mulai matang . senyap . diaaaaam n trus diam tnpa kata … menggalas beg renang lalu mncapai kunci kreta terus berlalu ker ACRS swimming cnter . menanggalkan pakaian . bogel ?? mestilahh ! HAHA .. mat salehhhh pun bole kan ! HAHAHA ! dan trus mlompat ! Tnpaa mnghiraukan org dsekeliling aku . adkah kau hebat brenang ? adkah kau swimmer mlysia ? adkah kau expert dgan pelbagai gaya ? . aku tdakk mngambil kesah .. hnyaa trusssssss n mneruskan pergerak ddlam air … tdak berapa laju . cool shaja .. tnpa hnti . smpaiiii suatu saat aku brhenti krn terlalu sesak nafas ! tp mmberi kpuasan pd dri aku …  aku sperti org lupaa ingatan ! blurr .. n hnyaaaa duniaa ddlam air ….. HAHA .   Its like I had an endless flow of energy, and it really felt great to get it all out. Once I finished up I just felt this huge sense of relief. My mind was CLEAR, my body felt great, and I was ready to handle anything that life threw at me without that burden of accumulated stress weighing me down.  aku bukan prenang yg handal . hnyaa sekadar bole trapung shaja mngawal komposisi bdan . aku mlihat org skeliling … heh . ketawe . riang … ckup mmbwadkan aku tersenyum .. merasakan .. kgembiraan itupun mlik aku … try to motivate yourself ! itulahh kata2 yg smpai sekarang aku pgang ….. ♥ ♥

BUKAN PANDAI BERMADAH ..

BUKAN DARI KELAS SASTRA ..

BUKAN PANDAI BERPUITIS ..

BUKAN PANDAI BERMAIN KATA .

Not failure,but low aim,is crime- 

James Russell Lowell

Never explain yourself to anyone,

because the person who likes you doesn't need it,

and the person who dislike you won't believe it

today's preparation

tomorrow's archivement