january 2,2012

Words/ feelings will never bring you back. The truth you are gone the reality I still lack. I miss you more than anything in the world. You were always there for me and loved me so much, I always loved you so much too. Sometimes I miss you so much I get extremely depressed and cry so hard not knowing what else to do. Of course this is normal. You will never be gone to me- you are always in my heart and will always be the most special loving, giving caring father always. Some times I want to join you but I want to be strong and make you proud these days. I love you with all my heart and soul - you are my best friend and dad. I don't know why I have dreams of you that are so bad. I suspect one's dreams can be the very worst fear they might have. My worst fear is/was losing you. You always was so loving and caring and would do anything for me. I have so many regrets and I'm so sorry dad can't you see? I didn't EVER have any intentions of hurting you for I was young. I made mistakes and did wrong. For which I appreciate you and love you so much for all you have done. I never thought so much hurt, love and regret would ever stick with someone. I can't wait to be with you. You are the inspiration, motive to me to continue on to be strong and continue and love people or one and succeed. I am the luckiest person in this entire world to have you - in my heart and that is all I will ever need. I'm mature now and well balanced enough to some how go on. I miss so much the fun times we shared, not only being together just every moment I spent with you I remember and I will never ever forget anything we have shared. Our love for one another, garage, yard sales, antique car shows we appreciated so much and cared. Dad you are so much always with me in my heart and soul - you know it. You were in alot of pain and so weak and beyond sore. God was ready for you then, the love in heaven with no more pain and sickness. I was happy to not have to see you go through anymore pain. Although at the time I felt insane. Loosing you was the hardest thing to ever do. Just always remember I love you with all of my heart and you are always with me - I can't wait to see you dad. So many Happy Father's Day's to you - you are/have always beent the best dad to me in the world and have effected me entirely dad and I more the sincerely will always love you too. Bless you dad. I love you/miss you so so much. Love always your daughter,  AQEELLA JAAFAR

how do you deal with problems? even if you've dealt with it, will it be gone forever? or will it be there, wedged into somewhat washer machine syndrome that goes round and round and in the end you'd eventually still be stuck with it, again (?) hmm. thinking about thinking.

ever wondered why things happened to you in a time phase where you are most probably ought to say this; "why now? why is this happening to me now?" when the thing that you never want it to happen to you but happened anyway? hmm, well, i myself am currently battling some things. a lot has been happening right now and i am not gonna back down, i'm gonna fight it cos you know why? cos i always have a thing for this saying; everything happens for a reason. and as a Muslim, i believe that Allah has already set some plans for me. :)

and for that, i am content.

these silent thoughts,

that i try to keep deep inside of me,

these silent emotions,

that i wish not to show,

these silent words,

that i wish to say to you,

but i can't.

these eyes,

these hands,

this heart,

they're mourning,

and they will always be,

until they see the light of thee.

greetings from the underworld

greetings from the underworld

i've been gone for a while, i know.

seriously, i've been going through a lot of things, too many things on my mind, too much things to take into mind. i'm stressed, but now, not anymore, i think. i'm so packed with stacks of works and life hasn't been exactly been the best of a friend that i really need right now. i have to make a lot of decisions. sacrifices, for me, for my life.